I was greatly amused by a list of English Teachers’ awards for best student metaphors/analogies, allegedly
found in actual student papers. Some of these made me laugh out loud, so I’ve named my awards.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. — M.C. Escher Recursive Analogy Award
He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. — Zen Analogy Award
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn’t. — Quantum Metaphor Memorial Award
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up. — Award for Best Canine Disphony (“ABCD Award”)